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You are not broken

Have you ever had one of those days when you just don’t feel quite right?

Perhaps your body feels stiff or uncomfortable. Your mind won’t switch off. You feel irritable, tired or disconnected. Maybe you can’t put your finger on exactly what is wrong, you simply know that you don’t feel like yourself.

We often describe this as being out of balance.

And as we get older, it’s easy to assume that aches, stiffness, tiredness and reduced freedom are simply part of getting older.

But what if there is another way of looking at it?

What if your body isn’t failing you?

What if it is communicating with you?

Balance is more than your physical body

When we think about balance, we often think about standing on one leg or keeping ourselves physically upright.

But human balance is much more than that. You are a whole person, and everything you experience can influence everything else. Your physical body, emotions, thoughts and sense of connection all interact.

For example:

• You have a stressful day.
• Your thoughts become busy.
• Your breathing changes.
• Your muscles tighten.
• You sleep poorly.
• You wake feeling tired.
• You become less patient.
• Your body tightens even more.

Nothing has necessarily gone seriously wrong but you have moved further and further away from your natural state of ease.

This is how being out of balance can develop.

The four areas of balance

For this course, we are going to explore four interconnected areas.

Physical balance

Your body develops habits. The way you sit, stand, walk, work, exercise and rest can gradually become your normal way of moving. Some of these habits serve you well and others may create unnecessary effort.

You might clench your jaw, lift your shoulders, grip with your hands, hold your stomach or brace your back without even noticing. Over time, unnecessary effort can become so familiar that you stop recognising it as effort.

You simply think: “That’s how my body is.” But familiar doesn’t necessarily mean necessary.

Emotional balance

Life gives us plenty to respond to; Joy, excitement, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, sadness and grief are all part of being human. Sometimes we allow emotions to move through us and sometimes we hold on to them.

• We may suppress something because it isn’t convenient to deal with at the time.
• We carry on.
• We get the job done.
• We look after everyone else.

Eventually, what we have been holding can influence how we feel physically and mentally. This doesn’t mean that every physical problem is caused by an emotion, it means that your emotional experience is part of the whole picture.

Mental balance

Your mind can be incredibly useful. it helps you plan, solve problems, remember things and make decisions but it can also become exhausting.

Perhaps you spend much of your time thinking about what has happened, what might happen or what you need to do next. You may find yourself constantly analysing, planning or worrying. Your body can respond to those thoughts as though something needs to be dealt with immediately. You may find yourself holding your breath, tightening your muscles or becoming restless. Learning to notice your thoughts without automatically reacting to them can create space, this space can be incredibly valuable.

Spiritual balance

For some people, spirituality is connected with faith or religion. For others, it is about something simpler:

• Who am I?
• What matters to me?
• What gives my life meaning?
• Am I living the life I actually want?

You can have a successful career, a comfortable home and everything that society tells you should make you happy and still feel that something is missing. Sometimes being out of balance isn’t about needing to fix yourself it is about recognising that something in your life needs attention.

The cycle of imbalance

These four areas don’t operate independently they constantly influence one another.

Imagine this: You are under pressure at work.

You think: “I have too much to do.”

• Your body responds by becoming tense.
• Your breathing becomes shallower.
• You notice an ache in your back.
• You become frustrated with your body.
• You worry that something is wrong.
• You move less because you’re uncomfortable.
• Your body becomes even stiffer.

Now you have a cycle.

The important thing is that the cycle can work in the other direction too.

• A little more awareness.
• A little less unnecessary effort.
• A calmer breath.
• A different response to a thought.
• A small change in how you move.

One small change can influence another.

Balance can begin with something very small.

The space between stimulus and response

There is something particularly important to understand here. Something happens, you pause before you respond, this pause is the space between stimulus and response!

Perhaps someone says something that annoys you.

• Your first instinct might be to react.
• But you don’t have to.
• You can notice what has happened.
• Notice what you are feeling.
• Notice what your body is doing.
• And then choose how you respond.
• That small space can change everything.
• Instead of automatically reacting, you begin to respond consciously.

This is one of the foundations of creating greater balance in your life.

You don’t have to fight your body

Many of us have been taught to push through, to ignore the discomfort, to try harder, to work harder, to exercise harder, to keep going.

Sometimes that approach is useful, sometimes the answer isn’t more effort, sometimes the answer is less.

• Less tension.
• Less holding.
• Less fighting.
• Less trying to force your body into a particular position or state.

Your body has an extraordinary ability to adapt when you give it the opportunity.

• The aim isn’t to control every sensation.
• The aim is to become curious about what is happening.

Your body is communicating

Your body is giving you information all the time.

• A tight shoulder.
• A clenched jaw.
• A restless feeling.
• A change in your breathing.
• A heavy feeling in your chest.
• A sense of ease.
• A feeling of openness.

These sensations aren’t necessarily problems that need to be immediately removed.

They can be information.

Instead of asking: “How do I get rid of this?”, you might begin asking: “What is my body telling me?”

That change in question can completely change your relationship with your body.

Your practice for this lesson

Today, don’t try to change anything.

Simply notice.

At three different points during your day, stop for a moment, take a breath, ask yourself:

1. What am I noticing in my body?

Notice areas of tension, comfort, movement, warmth, coolness or stillness.

2. What am I feeling emotionally?

You don’t need to name the perfect emotion simply notice what is present.

3. What is happening in my mind?

• Is your mind busy?
• Quiet?
• Planning?
• Worrying?
• Replaying something?

4. Am I using more effort than I need?

Don’t try to correct yourself just notice and finally ask: “What would happen if I allowed myself a little more ease?”

Then pause, you don’t need to do anything else.

Remember

Feeling out of balance doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong with you. It may simply mean that something needs your attention.

• Your body may be communicating.
• Your emotions may be asking to be acknowledged.
• Your mind may be asking for space.
• Your life may be asking you to reconsider what really matters.

Balance begins with awareness, and awareness begins when you stop long enough to listen.