Month: July 2022

EAM, love, mindfulness

Real Excitement

John Leave a comment

Today I discovered that I’ve been fooling myself for many years, I really knew it already but have been hiding from the truth until today.

It was ok to admit it, I did get the help from someone else, they supported and guided me through my discovery.

I was overjoyed at my discovery, then I had a huge mental collapse for the afternoon. I stayed with my collapse, living and accepting it as I was realigning, now these events don’t take too long, once they used to take days now a few hours. I really don’t like these mental collapses, when I’m in them they never seem to end, I loiter around allowing things to happen, sleep helps, being kind to myself helps, waiting helps even if its painful.

Then it’s all over.

Clarity, I know my way ahead.

You may be wondering what it was?

It was the discovery that I’ve been stuck in a metaphorical box which has been constraining me and preventing who I really am. It’s been going on for years in fact decades and I haven’t even noticed it, obeying the rules with a little wiggle room to help me believe I’m a free spirit. I guess you may be like this as well or you haven’t yet noticed your own box.

I’ve been pushing against my box for sometime, it’s exhausting and futile. I had emptied my core, I felt like a doughnut with no centre, my centre hole all burnt, scarred, cracked and blacked, there was nothing in the centre. All my effort and energy was pushing outwards and burning my core as it went. I felt the only way out of the box was to be in service to others and ignoring my service to self. I’ve been burning myself out from the inside. The charred empty burnt feeling felt very real earlier today, I can still sense its emptiness. I hadn’t noticed before today, today opened up my senses!

This has been smouldering for a very long time.

Now the smouldering has been put out!

I’ve now burst out of the box with excitement and now getting on with my life.

What an awful Image, I guess its got your attention!

The excitement isn’t the head sort of excitement which I see as a frenzy, being over ecstatic with excitement. What I sense is the heart and gut excitement that is driven and focused, it has it’s own beauty to this excitement, there is a vision and goal to it, there is a clarity and joyfulness that drives this excitement, its very personal excitement, its the energy you see in motivated people. There a love of life!

This may have happened this morning, it now seems such a long time ago. A lot went on in the session I had.

Simply put my energy, yin and yang and auras were aligned.

Post Note:

I wrote the above yesterday, today I’ve been busy doing practical stuff, clearing out old paperwork from my office, there was a lot of it! Helping my wife with things and being happy with whatever I’ve done, a strange concept that I’m very happy to get used to.

Going through all this anxiety and depression has really opened my eyes to how difficult it is without support and love from others.

Please get in touch if you ever need a chat or help, I’m here and I understand.

Alexander Technique, anxiety, depression, EAM, freedom, Inhibition, intention, stopping

Kintsugi

John Leave a comment

Many people see kintsugi as a symbol of rebirth supporting an ancient philosophy that nothing is ever truly broken beyond disrepair. Rather than hiding the damage of a broken bowl, plate or mug, kintsugi emphasises the breakages, creating a new and improved golden pattern into the tableware so it becomes even more valuable than before.

Repair the cracks with love

What has this to do with you?

I see this as a metaphor for each and everyones life. We are “as designed” when we are born then over time situations, people and our own thoughts and beliefs wear away at what we are supposed to be. This statement is intentionally very nebulas as we are moulded by situations, people and our thoughts and beliefs over time, I guess the issue is when these aren’t serving you your best, when you are being a slave to them and getting nothing in return, then there is a problem. Eventually you will snap, crash, break or be a nasty mess on the floor, you may be all of these all at once or over a period of time from months to decades.

Nothing will change until you realise that the stuff not servicing you is not for you, this is so hard to recognise as these things are you, or you believe they are you. It is not until you completely snap, crash, break and be that nasty mess on the floor that you may notice there is a need to change. Note the ‘may’ as it is very hard to grasp that what you have been doing for all those years isn’t serving you and leading you to an early grave. You need to stop and look around, pause for as long as you need and be brave at what you see and hear. If you don’t like what you see and hear, stop doing it. Easy words to say but difficulty to really do.

This happened to me a few months ago, what I’ve been doing for many years wasn’t serving me now, it may have been once but not at that moment. After my snap, crash, break and nasty mess on the floor. I picked up the pieces that are serving me and left the rest on the floor; this takes time, help from others that’s those who have the best for me and I really trust. Trust is ever so important; I let my heart and gut tell be who was right for me and letting my head be quiet for a change.

Carefully picking each piece up and finding where it fits and rejoining with love I’ve slowly rebuilt myself with my own love and the love and support from others. It is ever so important to seek help as they can see things that I was clearly blind to me, the things that are deeply hidden and waiting to return to the good old days, these things need to be thanked for their service and let go.

Seek the support that you need; my support was my wife, close friends, quietness and reflection. Have the knowledge of what helps also helped me, I got a lot of support from fellow EAM mentors, either just chatting or helping me with energy alignment, I’ve also done kinesiology, hypnotherapy and CBT to help me. There are many more modalities out there, these are the ones that resonated with me and presented themselves at the right time.

I guess we will all have our own crash and end up a shitty mess on the floor, we will all have our own from of shitty mess, mental breakdown, some physical, perhaps back pain, shoulder pain and others will have cellular problems that manifest as cancer or many other issues. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all did a little bit of self-help each day or find a trusted friend or mentor to repair the cracks with love as they appeared hence constantly improving yourself with love and the love of others over time. Wouldn’t this be better than having the experience of being a shitty mess on the floor and rebuilding yourself from scratch.

There are many therapists and mentors out there that can help. Now you have read this far, I’m available to chat to see how I can help.